Byby Stuff For You

Ask for English native speakers for help! Thanks!?

I have written a few sentences in English but I am not sure if they have any grammar mistakes or logical problems or do they look awkward to those native English speakers. Please help me edit them, thanks!
Here are what I have written:
“I grew up in a city by the Yangtse River. The Yangtse River is like a cozy cradle, breeding me, raising me and blessing me. In the upper reach of the Yangtse River, there is a tall building at the bank, overlooking the whole city. Every sunny day, the imposing sight of this bulding, silhouetted by the setting sun with gold and shining lines with its beautiful reflection in the river, never ceases to amaze me and take my breath away. ”

Hello,

It is beautifully written. However, these are the changes I would suggest, and I will write out the paragraph with these changes.

First, the paragraph begins with a past tense verb, then goes into the present. I would either have it all in the past tense, or, if you still live there, I would make this information known, simply by saying “… and live there still” at the end of the first sentence, and then continuing in the present tense. I would also include the name of the city, and while you could make the first two sentences into one, I would not do so if you include the name of the city.

I also would change the word “breeding” to “nurturing.” The term “breeding” feels more like it should be applied to animals than to people. Also, let’s change “reach” into “reaches.”

The rest is good except when you get to “…the imposing sight of this building…..never ceases to amaze….” which sounds a bit awkward to me. I would not say “never ceases” but rather “always.” I changed the end a bit, getting rid of the double use of the preposition “with.”

This is how I would write it if you were to put the whole thing in the past tense:

“I grew up in (fill in the name of the city), a city by the Yangtse River. The river was like a cozy cradle, nurturing me, raising me and blessing me. On the upper reaches of the river, there was a tall building, overlooking the whole city. Every sunny day, the imposing sight of this building, silhouetted by the setting sun with gold and shining lines beautifully reflected in the water, always amazed me and took my breath away.”

If you wanted to use the phrase “never ceased to amaze me and take my breath away” you can, but I would only do so if you take out the three words “Every sunny day” because this makes that sound awkward.

I hope this helps you. I am an English teacher, ESL, with many students from China, and I can tell you that you are an excellent writer!

Regards,
Lady Morgana

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